Ok, nothing beats visayan jokes but for the benefit of those who cannot understand bisaya, I've translated it for you in the best possible and funny way...
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EMPLEYADO: boss, namatay naman atong manager pwede ako mu puli sa iyang pwesto? (Employee: Boss, our manager is already dead, is it okay if I replace him?)
BOSS: pwede man,......................pero ambot kung musugot ang funenaria (Boss: It's okay....but I don't know if the funeral parlor will approve.)
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ANAK: Nay, nag tambling tambling gud me sa skul ganina..(Daughter: Mom, I was doing a somersault in school.)
NANAY: Di ba ingon man ko ayaw pag tambling tambling kay makita imo panty? (Mother: I told you not to do somersaulting because your panty will be seen!)
ANAK: Gisulod man naku sa Bag ako Panty Nay.. (Daughter: I put my panty inside my bag mom.)
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Tulo ka kumare ang nag-istorya. (Three godmothers were talking.)
Mare1: Sus, ako mare pwerte gyud nako ka limtanon kay ang akong pustiso ako mang isud sa ref. (GM1: Sus, me, I'm so forgetful that I would put my false teeth inside the refrigerator.)
Mare2: Ay wala ra ka nako mare. Mas limtanon pa ko nimo kay kon moagi gani ko sa hagdan, inig abot nako sa tunga-tunga makalimot ko kon pasaka ba ko o panaog. (GM2: That's nothing to mine. I'm more forgetful because when I cross a ladder, I would forget whether I'm going up or going down.)
Mare3: Dang pangyam-id) Sus, ako mga mare, simbako lang gyud(dang tuktok sa bungbong as in 'knock-on-wood' effect) di ra gyud pod ko intawon limtanon! (Dayong talikod). Kadyot usamga mare ha, kay ako usang ablihan ang pultahan kay naay nanuktok. (GM3: (smirking...) Sus, me my dears, hope it won't happen (knocking on wood, as in knock-on-wood effect), I am not forgetful! Then turned around. For a while my dears, I'm just going to open the door because somebody is knocking.)
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Laki: Kuhaon ko ang mga bitoon og ihatag ko kanimo. (Guy: I'll give you the stars.)
Babae: saba diha! wa man gali ka kakuha anang kugmo gatambisay sa imong ilong... (Gal: Shut up! You can't even get your dried mucus (or nose cake) lurking in your nose...)
Laki: AW! sorry day ha..wala man gud ko nasayod nga gusto sad ka ani.....(Guy: Aw! Sorry dear...I didn't know you also like this...)
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BABAE: ka gwapo sa pari, unsa man akong buhaton para mapansin sa pari? Ahhh, akong ibutang ning panty naku sa lamesa. (Woman: The priest is so handsome! what can i do for the priest to notice me? Ahh, I'm going to put this panty on the table.)
PARI: kinsa nang pante diri sa lamesa? (Priest: Whose panty is this?)
BABAE: ako padre (Woman: Mine, Father.)
PARI: naay tae gamay. (Priest: There's a little feces.)
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EMPLEYADO: boss, namatay naman atong manager pwede ako mu puli sa iyang pwesto? (Employee: Boss, our manager is already dead, is it okay if I replace him?)
BOSS: pwede man,......................pero ambot kung musugot ang funenaria (Boss: It's okay....but I don't know if the funeral parlor will approve.)
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ANAK: Nay, nag tambling tambling gud me sa skul ganina..(Daughter: Mom, I was doing a somersault in school.)
NANAY: Di ba ingon man ko ayaw pag tambling tambling kay makita imo panty? (Mother: I told you not to do somersaulting because your panty will be seen!)
ANAK: Gisulod man naku sa Bag ako Panty Nay.. (Daughter: I put my panty inside my bag mom.)
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Tulo ka kumare ang nag-istorya. (Three godmothers were talking.)
Mare1: Sus, ako mare pwerte gyud nako ka limtanon kay ang akong pustiso ako mang isud sa ref. (GM1: Sus, me, I'm so forgetful that I would put my false teeth inside the refrigerator.)
Mare2: Ay wala ra ka nako mare. Mas limtanon pa ko nimo kay kon moagi gani ko sa hagdan, inig abot nako sa tunga-tunga makalimot ko kon pasaka ba ko o panaog. (GM2: That's nothing to mine. I'm more forgetful because when I cross a ladder, I would forget whether I'm going up or going down.)
Mare3: Dang pangyam-id) Sus, ako mga mare, simbako lang gyud(dang tuktok sa bungbong as in 'knock-on-wood' effect) di ra gyud pod ko intawon limtanon! (Dayong talikod). Kadyot usamga mare ha, kay ako usang ablihan ang pultahan kay naay nanuktok. (GM3: (smirking...) Sus, me my dears, hope it won't happen (knocking on wood, as in knock-on-wood effect), I am not forgetful! Then turned around. For a while my dears, I'm just going to open the door because somebody is knocking.)
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Laki: Kuhaon ko ang mga bitoon og ihatag ko kanimo. (Guy: I'll give you the stars.)
Babae: saba diha! wa man gali ka kakuha anang kugmo gatambisay sa imong ilong... (Gal: Shut up! You can't even get your dried mucus (or nose cake) lurking in your nose...)
Laki: AW! sorry day ha..wala man gud ko nasayod nga gusto sad ka ani.....(Guy: Aw! Sorry dear...I didn't know you also like this...)
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BABAE: ka gwapo sa pari, unsa man akong buhaton para mapansin sa pari? Ahhh, akong ibutang ning panty naku sa lamesa. (Woman: The priest is so handsome! what can i do for the priest to notice me? Ahh, I'm going to put this panty on the table.)
PARI: kinsa nang pante diri sa lamesa? (Priest: Whose panty is this?)
BABAE: ako padre (Woman: Mine, Father.)
PARI: naay tae gamay. (Priest: There's a little feces.)